2010-08-15 | 12:40:14

Dikt 31: Loving You Too Much

Please, dont missunderstand this... I love you with my whole heart and soul, and I guess that is good... but sometimes, I just feel like it will be my grave.

It is nothing I can show you, neither let you touch.
Its a pure fact: I am loving you too much.

I felt love once before.
I asked myself: What do I love him for?
I could not answer, becuse I didn't know a thing.
The love hurted me, like a sharp, sharp sting.
It became too much, and it became somthing I didn't want.
I tried to hide away from it, but as I knew, I can't.

It became somthing I needed, just like air, food and light.
It became somthing warming, just what I needed in the cold night.
But just as I got warm, I got this feeling that someone is watching me.
Like eyes were following me everywhere, but didn't let me see.
I tried to hide, but I couldn't so I became insane.
I wanted to finish it, so it almost took me to my bane.

Then I meet you, and felt this "love" once more.
I got so angry at myself, I dont want to live in this cold core.
But this was so different, the feeling became so strong.
I loved you so much, I couldn't stand it for long.
It was a wounderful feeling, I didn't feel those eyes.
But I hated myself with a hatred colder than ice.

I trusted you, left my heart to you.
It felt like I dropped all the pain I ever been through.
"That is bad, I am losing my experience!" I heard a voice say.
All those feelings came in the way for me, I just wanted to put them away.
"This is bad. Everything will fade." said the voice.
But I loved you so much, I didn´t have a choice.

This feeling will be my end, becuse I would do anything for you.
Stop a bullet, offer my soul, anything to help you through.
I would offer my soul and my body just to keep you protected.
It is the truth, your love wasn't rejected.
I love you so much, I would stay by your side till the end.
I love you so much, I would stay in your arms till I am dead.

It is nothing I can show you, neither let you touch.
Its a pure fact: I am loving you too much.

I love you more than anything, Numair.

2010-08-08 | 16:13:28

Dikt 30: Till Numair: Renewed Hope.

To my beloved Numair, I love you more than my whole life...

Just a little while back, I had a knife in hand.
My joy of life were gone, ran through my fingers like sand.
My pain was so huge, more than I can say.
But then I meet you, which made me on earth stay.
The pain I felt are much less, and I can feel joy.
I never ever thought, I would meet a such special boy.
You're perfect to me, in every way I know.
I would follow you to the end of the earth, where ever you would go.
I am loving you so much, I got the strength back to live.
I am loving you so much, I could you my life give.

So many times I been fooled, so many times I cried.
So many times I been scared, so many times I stoped tried.
I been living in a cold world, which almost took me to my bane.
I been traped in darkness, for so long I almost got insane.
I've had my friends, yes, its true.
But where were they when I the darkest part of life went through?
I been living loved, but still I felt alone and on my own.
I been living normaly, but still my hatred and fear has just grown.
I never loved anyone, as I love you, before.
I never been having one person so deep in my hearts core.
I didn't care about school, and was mentally sick on everything.
I didn't care about this so call "in real life", my hatred was like a sharp sting.
The hatred to everyone and everything damaged the people who cared.
The fear to everything unknown did everyone who saw it scared.
But I didn't care, becuse it awaked somthing from my deep.
It awaked a hunger, which wanted revange seek.
Revange on everyone who made me feel like this.
But soon I got scared of myself, thats just how it is.
I tried to stay out of everything, and just live online.
I tried to act like everything was fine.
But I failed, my closest friends did see.
But I keep't hiding how badly it really was with me.
I could say a word or two and then pretend like it was good.
I could say that I felt better, that I now were in great mood.
I hid the pain I felt, and tried to look like a normal girl.
But how much I ever tried, I wasn't living in a normal girls world.

Just a little while back, I didn't care about my life.
My joy of life were gone, and I were ready to finish it with a knife.
My pain was so huge, I couldn't heal my broken heart.
But then I meet you, and I felt that I could restart.
The pain I feel are much less, and I feel I got a future to live for.
I never ever thought, I could feel this happy any more.
You're prefect to me, and I love you so much.
I would follow you yo the end of the earth, or even feel Deaths cold touch.
I am loving you so much, so much it almost hurts me.
I am loving you so much, that for first time in life, I feel free.

I love you for real, and I hope you do the same <3

2010-08-04 | 01:07:44

Dikt 29: A Glove

I am a glove, when you dont want me, you trow me away.
Then I gotta wait until you want me again, and until then here stay.
Then I wait and wait, in days and nights.
I am a glove, as you use to protect your skin in fights.
Then someone steal the glove, and put me on his hand.
Then when the fight starts, you both forget me, and I have to lie still in the sand.
The little glove lies in the sand all alone and wait for someone to care of me.
Waiting and waiting, forsome to take care of me or set me free.
If I had eyes, I would cry,
Becuse now I am trashed, no hand to keep dry.
Alone, alone, in the dark night, so cold.
A drunk man picks me up, hoping to get me sold.
He gives me to anotherman in exchange for copper.
The man put me in his dark bag, and drives away in a chopper.
The bag falls of the bike and down in the ice cold water.
So cold, so cold, in the light I can see my mother and my father.
But as I try to lift myself against them they vanish before my invisible eyes.
I lie still as I slowly, slowly turn to ice.
If I had eyes I would cry blood as tears.
But I am already dead, so there is no other fears.
Now I am drowing in water, poisond by soda, candy and bread.
Being still, I think I can say I am dead.

2010-08-01 | 22:57:24

Dikt 28: Feel For You

This is to the love of my life :)

Not enough. Wont ever be.
I am not good enough for the man who set me free.
When I hear your voice, I feel like my body is made of ice.
Then just as I feel cold, the heat begins to rise...
and a hot shock hits me right into my heart.
The shock flames up like fire, hunting away all the dark.
I feel like my body has frozen and will be stuck in years.
I feel like my heart is burning and will dry all my old tears.
So many terrible things I've been thought...
And I would pass them all again just to be with you.
What do I have to do to deserve being somthing special in your eyes.
Until I am somthing for you, I would go thought both fire and ice.
Keep on trying. Keep on trying.
Thats all I can think, no matter how much I am crying.
I will keep work and do my job done,
Until the last breath of mine has come.
Then will I die, hopfully without pain.
If I can die in your arms, I've got my works gain.