Vet ni vad?
Jag tror bestämt att jag kommit över gränsen till stressad!
Låt se...
Man går i skolan, sen när man kommer hem ligger alltid en uppgift till väntande.
Ta ut tvätt, ta ut disk, gå ut med en 60 kilos American Akita??
Usch.
Om det inte vore för att det finns några människor i denna värld som kan hålla mig på benen, hade jag kollapsat för länge sen....
Usch.
Men dom goda nyheterna ÄR, att jag snart har Höstlov.
By the way! Så ledsen att jag inte lagt in några nya dikter... Har haft lite för mkt på mig.
HEEEJ!
Vill ge speciellt tack till de tre viktigaste personerna för mig just nu :))
1. Numair <3333
2. Henni :D
3. MeMa =))
Dikt 31: Loving You Too Much
It is nothing I can show you, neither let you touch.
Its a pure fact: I am loving you too much.
I felt love once before.
I asked myself: What do I love him for?
I could not answer, becuse I didn't know a thing.
The love hurted me, like a sharp, sharp sting.
It became too much, and it became somthing I didn't want.
I tried to hide away from it, but as I knew, I can't.
It became somthing I needed, just like air, food and light.
It became somthing warming, just what I needed in the cold night.
But just as I got warm, I got this feeling that someone is watching me.
Like eyes were following me everywhere, but didn't let me see.
I tried to hide, but I couldn't so I became insane.
I wanted to finish it, so it almost took me to my bane.
Then I meet you, and felt this "love" once more.
I got so angry at myself, I dont want to live in this cold core.
But this was so different, the feeling became so strong.
I loved you so much, I couldn't stand it for long.
It was a wounderful feeling, I didn't feel those eyes.
But I hated myself with a hatred colder than ice.
I trusted you, left my heart to you.
It felt like I dropped all the pain I ever been through.
"That is bad, I am losing my experience!" I heard a voice say.
All those feelings came in the way for me, I just wanted to put them away.
"This is bad. Everything will fade." said the voice.
But I loved you so much, I didn´t have a choice.
This feeling will be my end, becuse I would do anything for you.
Stop a bullet, offer my soul, anything to help you through.
I would offer my soul and my body just to keep you protected.
It is the truth, your love wasn't rejected.
I love you so much, I would stay by your side till the end.
I love you so much, I would stay in your arms till I am dead.
It is nothing I can show you, neither let you touch.
Its a pure fact: I am loving you too much.
I love you more than anything, Numair.
Dikt 30: Till Numair: Renewed Hope.
Just a little while back, I had a knife in hand.
My joy of life were gone, ran through my fingers like sand.
My pain was so huge, more than I can say.
But then I meet you, which made me on earth stay.
The pain I felt are much less, and I can feel joy.
I never ever thought, I would meet a such special boy.
You're perfect to me, in every way I know.
I would follow you to the end of the earth, where ever you would go.
I am loving you so much, I got the strength back to live.
I am loving you so much, I could you my life give.
So many times I been fooled, so many times I cried.
So many times I been scared, so many times I stoped tried.
I been living in a cold world, which almost took me to my bane.
I been traped in darkness, for so long I almost got insane.
I've had my friends, yes, its true.
But where were they when I the darkest part of life went through?
I been living loved, but still I felt alone and on my own.
I been living normaly, but still my hatred and fear has just grown.
I never loved anyone, as I love you, before.
I never been having one person so deep in my hearts core.
I didn't care about school, and was mentally sick on everything.
I didn't care about this so call "in real life", my hatred was like a sharp sting.
The hatred to everyone and everything damaged the people who cared.
The fear to everything unknown did everyone who saw it scared.
But I didn't care, becuse it awaked somthing from my deep.
It awaked a hunger, which wanted revange seek.
Revange on everyone who made me feel like this.
But soon I got scared of myself, thats just how it is.
I tried to stay out of everything, and just live online.
I tried to act like everything was fine.
But I failed, my closest friends did see.
But I keep't hiding how badly it really was with me.
I could say a word or two and then pretend like it was good.
I could say that I felt better, that I now were in great mood.
I hid the pain I felt, and tried to look like a normal girl.
But how much I ever tried, I wasn't living in a normal girls world.
Just a little while back, I didn't care about my life.
My joy of life were gone, and I were ready to finish it with a knife.
My pain was so huge, I couldn't heal my broken heart.
But then I meet you, and I felt that I could restart.
The pain I feel are much less, and I feel I got a future to live for.
I never ever thought, I could feel this happy any more.
You're prefect to me, and I love you so much.
I would follow you yo the end of the earth, or even feel Deaths cold touch.
I am loving you so much, so much it almost hurts me.
I am loving you so much, that for first time in life, I feel free.
I love you for real, and I hope you do the same <3
Dikt 29: A Glove
I am a glove, when you dont want me, you trow me away.
Then I gotta wait until you want me again, and until then here stay.
Then I wait and wait, in days and nights.
I am a glove, as you use to protect your skin in fights.
Then someone steal the glove, and put me on his hand.
Then when the fight starts, you both forget me, and I have to lie still in the sand.
The little glove lies in the sand all alone and wait for someone to care of me.
Waiting and waiting, forsome to take care of me or set me free.
If I had eyes, I would cry,
Becuse now I am trashed, no hand to keep dry.
Alone, alone, in the dark night, so cold.
A drunk man picks me up, hoping to get me sold.
He gives me to anotherman in exchange for copper.
The man put me in his dark bag, and drives away in a chopper.
The bag falls of the bike and down in the ice cold water.
So cold, so cold, in the light I can see my mother and my father.
But as I try to lift myself against them they vanish before my invisible eyes.
I lie still as I slowly, slowly turn to ice.
If I had eyes I would cry blood as tears.
But I am already dead, so there is no other fears.
Now I am drowing in water, poisond by soda, candy and bread.
Being still, I think I can say I am dead.
Dikt 28: Feel For You
Not enough. Wont ever be.
I am not good enough for the man who set me free.
When I hear your voice, I feel like my body is made of ice.
Then just as I feel cold, the heat begins to rise...
and a hot shock hits me right into my heart.
The shock flames up like fire, hunting away all the dark.
I feel like my body has frozen and will be stuck in years.
I feel like my heart is burning and will dry all my old tears.
So many terrible things I've been thought...
And I would pass them all again just to be with you.
What do I have to do to deserve being somthing special in your eyes.
Until I am somthing for you, I would go thought both fire and ice.
Keep on trying. Keep on trying.
Thats all I can think, no matter how much I am crying.
I will keep work and do my job done,
Until the last breath of mine has come.
Then will I die, hopfully without pain.
If I can die in your arms, I've got my works gain.
Dikt 27: Almost Dead.
When my body was close to give up, and the knife were close,
were you the one to make me see that there is another chose.
My soul gets weaker, and my skin gets white.
My eyes gets brighter and shine up the dark with a deadly light.
My body still thinks its dead becuse I almost did stab myself with the knife.
My soul is gone, becuse it thinks I passed to another life
I got no tears left to cry.
My soul as given up so why keep try?
Only my love to you makes my heart go on.
And when you vanish from me, I will be gone.
Till den jag älskar mest i hela världen.
Dikt 26: A Dream
I dreamed that I was taken away from my family and friends.
I dreamed that you all forgot me when my life ends.
I dreamed I heard my parents say "We still have one more kid."
I dreamed I saw my friends act like I never lived.
If I were gone would you miss me?
If I were taken away, would you set me free?
If I were about to die, would you be here?
If I were scared, would you hunt away my fear?
What does a dream like this say if all those answeres were no?
What does a dream like this say if you all did let me go?
Atleast I know what it mean.
That if I were gone, you wouldnt miss me.
Dikt 25: Till "Jeads"
Your not only a good leader, your also a good friend.
You always stay with your members, until the very end.
I am so proud to once been a part of your command.
A part of the group that so proudly under your controll stand.
I wish it didnt have to end like it did, it really broke me.
But I guess it had to be that way, so now we're all stunned but free.
Some found new places to be in, but I have not.
I am still lost, just thinking of the time I had and the time I got.
Still missing being a part of somthing good.
After we splitted up, I truely dropped the mood.
But atleast I still got you as a friend as I can talk to.
I wish the old times back, I am sure you also do.
I dont think I ever will meet a leader with your skills again, my friend.
And remember, that you still got members which follows you to the end.
Kom ihåg, jag menar alltid vad jag säger i mina dikter :)
Dikt 24: Chains of Hell.
This is the last chance you get to flee.
This is the last chance you have to be free.
I wont be able to let you out of these chains if it catches you.
If it does, none will save you, you will have this desire too.
So i tell you now to run away, get away!
There is no hope for us doomed that are traped, I say.
We can not die, becuse we are stuck in death.
And we can not live becuse we lost our breath.
Please forgive me for my misstakes.
I wish I could protect you, but I am stuck in the deepest lakes.
I am stuck in chains of hell, waiting for my turn to be remade.
Waiting and waiting for everything I once been to fade.
Waiting for Hell to make me to a perfect toy made by perfect tools.
A demon myself, which beatuy everyone fools.
I so wish someone could save me, take me home once more.
I so wish I could say good bye to those I love, before I get stuck forever in this core.
But it is soon my turn to change, so I am already gone.
Gone forever, all I can do is to hope for people to remember me, and what I've done.
I know I wasnt perfect, but I did try my best.
I've done everything I could for you, so now I am in the Devils nest.
But dont waste me one wish or one tear.
Becuse, my friend, I do not Hell fear.
I came here becuse I protected and loved you, so its okey.
So save your tears and do not pray.
I am gone, and nothing will me save.
I am a ghost, forever watching the hells cave.
Dikt 23: Dead Inside.
As I heard you voice behind me, you took my breath away.
You had found me atleast, I lost my words and could nothing say.
All my happiness vanished, my heart stoped and my eyes turned black.
Everything I heard got quiet, all I could hear was your voice behind my back.
I didnt move a step, everything got quiet and I didnt hear a word.
The world vanished before my feet, and your voice was all I heard.
I didnt dare turn around, afraid of what I would see.
Had you really found me, after I for so long been free?
As fast as I dared to turn around, you were gone.
I knew you had been there, and that I were done.
Done playing hide and seek, I had lost the game.
I had lost everything, all would turn out the same.
I had lost my freedom, and knew you wouldnt let me go.
I knew I had told you what I wanted, but you didnt accept the no.
I am killed, again, by you.
Why cant you just forget that it ever was we two?
I am really tierd of runing away and hide.
I am nothing anymore, dear, you killed me inside.
Dikt 22: Till NumieNum
Jag tror att du klarar det, och jag tror att du kan.
Jag tror att du är starkare än förr, och att du kan slå rädslan som inte försvann.
Jag tror på dig, och tänker på dig.
Jag tror och hoppas att saker inte upprepar sig.
Om det värsta skulle hända, så vet du att jag aldrig glömmer.
Din plats kommer alltid vara kvar, alltid vänta, även om du går in i en evig slummer.
Om döden tar dig ifrån mig, så kommer jag önska dig till himmel riket.
Om döden tar dig ifrån mig, så kommer jag önska allt till dig, från själ till liket.
Men jag tror att du klarar det, och jag tror att du kan.
Jag tror på att du är starkare än förr, och kan slå rädslan som inte försvann.
Gör mig inte besviken genom att inte komma hem.
För många kommer sakna dig, och jag är ibland dem.
Om något hände så kommer en blomma vissna i samma sekund, och aldrig slå ut.
Den skulle vissna, och dess färg försvinna till röd som blod och svart som krut.
Du vet att du är speciell, och om du försvinner ifrån mig kommer jag gråta blod av saknad.
Du vet att du skulle vara saknad och att jag skulle ge min själ för att då få dig återuppvaknad.
Tills du kommer hem kommer jag be och önska för varje sekund.
Tills du kommer hem kommer jag hoppas och tro varje stund.
Jag kommer alltid komma ihåg, och sakna dig tills jag vet du är okej.
Ingen kan ta din plats hos denna konstiga lilla tjej.
Dikt 21: The End.
This is The End.
The poet you once knew is dead.
She fell into her sleep in middle of the night.
She fell into sleep, in the arms of Deaths Knight.
Oh, I wish, I wish she would live to see a tomorrow.
But she is already taken to the lands of horror.
To hell or to heaven, I dont know where she gone.
She deservs neither of them, after all the things she've done.
She felt like a whore which was raped again and again by the Dark.
She felt the thousen years of pain, by being marked by the Deaths Mark.
But what she felt back then is nothing anymore.
She will never ever again have to be treated like a whore.
She knew all along, that nothing was made to last.
She knew all along, that everything that were, would pass.
She died with a smile on her face.
She were so glad she had finished the lifes race.
She sat at her desk, watching the moon.
She knew the Death was coming to her, soon.
She wrote her last poem, as your reading now.
Maybe your fell some tears woundering how...
But I promise, she is happy in her rest.
Becuse she know, she passed the lifes test.
Maybe she wasnt perfect, maybe she did many things wrong.
She was living in pain, and lived with it for way too long.
She watched the moon, ready to give away her life.
As she fell into her sleep, she droped her bloody knife.
She finished herself, to make the world understand.
That there is nothing dangerous with the Deaths cold hand.
She was tierd at hiding, hide for her fears.
She was tierd of crying, waste so many tears.
She was tierd of seeing a such brutal world.
She was tierd of trying to tell us this in words.
It was a impossible mission she was given.
It was a impossible task, so she keep't her fail hidden.
Every poem she did was out of her heart, of what she thought and felt.
Every poem was about love her heart had so hardly melt.
She was carried away by wings blacker than the deep.
She was carried away, further than we ever are able to her seek.
But she is happy, becuse she wrote the truth even at the line of her bane.
She always wrote as it was, even if the people around her, thought she was insane.
She knew so much better than lie.
Now, she had to pay for saying the Truth by die.
Dikt 20: Why Keep Going.
Why should I keep going when everyone I used to speak to has nothing more to say.
Why should I even keep live in this meaningless life I am stuck in?
Nothing will ever be as it once have been.
I keep tell myself to remember that nothing is made to last.
But everything I enjoyed so much, has faded so fast.
What can I do when my hate just grows bigger and stronger?
I dont know how I should keep my breathing up any longer.
I just feel like everything is done, done and made.
I just want to scream becuse I am missing the time that so quickly fade.
My friends feels so far away, like they never been there.
I feel like I never been having anything with me here.
I feel like everything that I ever done is a lie.
I really wish, that this pain soon ends, and that I'll die.
Dikt 19: Till "Loix Moix"
I dont know what you do to always make me feel good when I am sad.
I dont know why you havn't been runing away yet, thinking I am mad.
I really wounder what makes you stay and keep be with a strange girl like me.
I really wounder what makes you stay insteed of runing away to be free.
I really wish I knew the answer to those questions, but I should not complain.
Becuse having you as a friend, makes me feel less pain.
You can always make me laugh and smile, even when I am sad.
You can always cheer me up, even if my temper is really bad.
You are really a special person, and I hope you know you are.
With friends like you, my temper never goes too far.
Dikt 18: Till "MeMa"
"Om jag någonsin behövder en vän att gå till, skulle det vara du.
Om jag någonsin känner mig ensam, går jag till dig så du kan hinda mig från att gå itu.
I alla hårda tider du varit där för mig,
så måste du förstå att jag skulle göra allt för dig :)
Jag skulle betala vadsom helst, plågas i tusen år eller dö om du behövde det.
Gå igenom det kallaste hav, som är kallare än is, eller den varmaste vulkan, som är bedövande het.
Du har så många gånger hjälpt mig i svåra stunder,
gett mig råd då jag varit nära att gå under.
Räddat mitt brustna hjärta,
fått mig att skratta och glömma min smärta.
Jag vet inte hur du gör för att alltid veta precis vad du ska säga och göra.
Du vet när jag behöver nån att prata med och när jag inte vill att nån ska störa :)
Jag vet inte vad jag gjort för att förtjäna förtjäna en vän som du vid min sida.
Du är någon som jag skulle göra allt för rädda, dö eller lida.
Jag skulle aldrig förlåta migsjälv om jag sa något som fick vår vänskap att dö :(
För då skulle jag få börja om, från en blomma, till ett litet, litet frö.
Även så har jag sagt mycket till dig som skulle såra de flesta.
Men det verkar som om inget jag säger kan ditt tålamod testa :o
Du vet att allt jag säger ibland bara är desperat babbel.
Och du får det att kännas bättre istället för att börja ett tjabbel.
Trotts 10 år i skillnad mellan oss, känns det som du är en tviling syster. :)
En vän, förstående och tålmodig med en ängels snälla lyster :)
Kom alltid ihåg att jag är där för dig, vad du än behöver.
Och kommer alltid vara, långt efter att du tycker vår vänskap är över."
Varje ord är sant, MeMa :D Och jag hoppas att du förstår hur viktig din vänskap är för mig :)
Dikt 17 till Denise Larsson.
Längtas fullt tittade jag mot månen och lyssnade på vargarna yla.
Önskade att få en vän, en vän som var lite som jag.
Men denna längtan tog slut en dag.
Den dag jag mötte dig, var en dag som alla andra.
En dag i skolan med massa skrikande barn som inte gör något annat än varandra klandra.
Vi träffades och pratade, med var kompis på vår sida.
Jag lyssnade bara på dig, inte de andra, de fick mig bara lida.
För första gången på allt för länge kände jag mig glad.
För första gången, var jag faktiskt glad att min familj flyttat till denna stad.
Jag kan dela allt med dig, och det vet du.
Jag litar på dig mer än någon annan för alltid från nu.
Mitt hjärta är varmare och det finns ingen mer kyla.
Jag har hittat en sann vän, du Denise, så låt vargarna ifred få yla.
Du är bäst, Denise!! <3
Bunden Kvinna.
Okej, Här har jag ritat en kvinna som gråter blod....
Dikt 16: A woman that got enough.
In the night i hide away from you.
All this started with a simple 'I do'.
I married you, packed my things, we started live together.
You said you would be mine, and i be yours, forever.
I loved you, and could not decline,
I couldent see, that you were about to cross the line.
A night of love, a night in heaven. But i woke up in Hell.
Its a endless story, impossible to tell.
All the pain, and the hits and kicks.
You fooled me, with all your dirty tricks.
You just push me around,
smash me in the wall, push me to the ground.
I cry, begging you to stop hit me.
But i cant anything else than blood see.
Am drowing in my own blood, cant keep fight.
Your so much stonger. You keep hit me a whole night.
When you fall asleep, i try run away, but the door is locked.
Bleeding, hurted, almost fully knocked.
Praying, screaming, i wake you up, you push me into the wall.
You drain me down to the floor, riping off it all.
Screaming, begging and crying i try push you away.
But it dosent matter, you wont stop, no matter what i say!
One night your sleeping, am so tierd of my life.
I go down in the kitchen, getting a knife.
Sneak up at your side, seeing all red.
As i lift the knife over the bed.
Then with ALL MY STRENGTH let it go.
Its over now, but I cant rest yet, no.
I jump out of the window, confused by hate.
But when i see what i done, its too late.
I fall down screaming, cursing where all this lead.
But soon i get quiet. Lying still on the ground. Am dead.
Dikt 15: Cheated.
There was a time when I loved you, more than anything.
I will never forget, that night when you gave me a ring.
A ring which means 'will you be mine forever'.
I wouldent trash our love, no, i would never.
But you did, 'cuse you found someone to take my place.
She was prettier, smarter... is there anything else?
But, my darling, she dont know you like i do...
But that dosent matter, you forgot all we went thru.
I was sleeping when you left me in the night.
I was sleeping, when you putted out all my light.
My life is over, I am a dead scale.
Wasting all my money on wine and ale.
Crying myself to sleep every day.
Until I one day wont move, or nothing more say.
Dikt 14: Cold, Cold Night.
I am sitting here, a cold, cold night.
All the lashes are out, nothing gives any light.
If I look up, I'll only see a a starless sky.
It is like the stars given up, and stoped to try.
My hearts feels heavy, filled with sorrow.
My only wish is the night to pass and it to be tomorrow.
My skin is white and cold like death.
I am waiting for my body to give up, taking my last breath.
I am sitting here, blinded by tears.
I want to hide away, away from all my fears.
The fears form the dark, so horrible and black.
The fears from the shadows, hiding at my back.
But if I turn around, I will nothing see...
Nothing but a mirror, staring back on me.
I am sitting here, looking at myself with pain.
All those things I've done, without getting any gain.
I worked so hard to protect those I love and care about.
Now, they aint even here by my side to let me out.
Where are my so called family and friends?
Dont they understand that my life soon ends...?
I am sitting here, feeling cold and scared.
Thinking of those who loved me, those who once cared.
The mirror looks back with eyes that burns more than fire.
I move my body closer to it, thinking it is my desire.
I look deep, deep into my own eyes, hoping to see somthing.
A sign, from an Angel or even God, Heavens King!
I am sitting here, waiting and waiting to die.
I am telling myself everything will be fine, but I know its a lie.
If someone would save me, save my life and soul.
But that wont happen, the doctors failed with their goal.
I am not sure if they really cared from the begining if I died or lived.
I bet they just cared about the money my parents gived.
I am sitting here, feeling the Deaths Hand.
Its time to leave, time to leave this land.
Time to fly, high above the skys with wings, whiter than snow!
With a white dress, so white its brighter than a cristals glow!
I am leaving my body here on earth with you.
Sooner or later, you will have this destiny too.